Fall Apart

Being an adult is very interesting and fun and even scary at times. As an adult people expect more out of you, they don't take "I didn't know" or "It wasn't my responsibility" and all of the other little puny excuses. As an adult there are many responsibilities a person has. If anyone messes up they have to show that they are sorry by their words and actions, but as an adult, if someone messes up in a big way, they can't just say "I didn't mean to" or "I will try not to do that again." There is so much more to being an adult. Since I still live with my parents, I don't have as many responsibilities as someone who doesn't live with their parents. It's different, but since I am home, it's like I still can learn how to become a better adult before I make decisions that I will regret for a long period of time, for example: missing a bill or something like that.

Also, when it comes to being an adult many times it is hard just because the adult is very responsible for the lives that they have to take care of. I'm not a parent, but I do know that even in my friendships I have said things I shouldn't have said and done things I shouldn't have done and now I am responsible for every one of those choices. They were choices I made for whatever the reason. I know that as people's lives are involved it can be hurtful and/or dangerous depending on what the situation is. Parent's can sometimes forget or leave their children places, they say things and do things that they regret. The best thing a person  can do to show change is to live differently and to repent-turn the other direction.

In all of my mistakes that I have made I have felt bad for all of the one's I know that I have done. If you are my friend/family and are reading this post, I just want to take a moment to apologize and ask for your forgiveness. I am so sorry for the words and actions I have done against you in any way. If I could go back and make things different in those situations I would, but out of those mistakes I have made whether in the past or recently, I am praying and growing in Christ and naturally I am maturing day by day and I am asking you for another chance to show you that I don't want to say/do those things again. Please forgive me and pray for me. I can't live this life on my own. Without Jesus, I fall apart. Please help me grow in Christ and don't give up. From now on, I purpose to be different in many areas. Thank you for being patient and understanding towards me and giving me another chance that honestly I don't probably deserve.

Repentance comes from the heart and through the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. With my words and actions I can either bless or not bless. I can show love or show selfishness. I can be cruel or kind, etc...Every decision I have made and will make is my responsibility and that is one tough thing as an adult. I am growing in Christ and will not be perfect in every area, but in my weakness, Christ is made perfect. In my mistakes, He makes all things new. SO from this moment on, I chose to seek Christ before saying or doing anything. I want to do the right thing and to show you that, I will be different.

Please forgive me?

Faithfully I am Yours-A Letter To My Future Husband

My Love,

    I so wish to know what you are doing at this moment. I wish to know what you life has been like, where you have gone, what you have done and what you are doing! Oh Dearest, oh, how I wish I could see you. I know God has great things in store for us and I am waiting for that beautiful story to unfold. People say it is silly to be in love with someone I do not see at this time, but isn't that what love is? Love is faithful. It even says in Proverbs 31 that "she does him good, not harm ALL the days of her life." I am waiting and loving you now Sweetheart. I write this letter on here for others to know that it is nothing to be ashamed of-waiting on their spouses. I know that God works all things out for the good of those who love Him and I know that as you wait for me and I wait for you that we are growing closer to Jesus than ever before. Dearest, I just love you so, so much! I want to hold your hands and give you a hug and a kiss. Oh how I wish we could watch each other grow in Christ right now! I know though that no matter where you are, you are safe in God's hands. I pray for you almost every night before I go to bed. I watch the stars and dream of my wedding day with Jesus and my thoughts wonder and dream of you at some point in there. I love you Knight in Shining Armor and when you wish to take me up on your mighty steed and sweep me off my feet, I know that I will be ready because that is my prayer-to prepare right now for when you do come into my life and also, most importantly I want to fall so in love with Christ and His will and purpose for me that nothing in this world will matter. I don't care what others say, I am in love-in love with Jesus and in love with you! Just know that you are loved. When you read this someday, you will know that I would do anything for you and I will love you until death do us part. You are my gift from God when you come and when you do come, I won't let you go-you will be mine FOREVER!! :) You are SO SO SO SO loved! Here is a song for you written by Eric and Leslie Ludy that I want you to know that that is what I say for you! "Faithfully I am yours....." This song is one of my favorites and I LOVE YOU Prince on this earth, but I LOVE PRINCE JESUS SOOOOOOOO MUCH MORE, which I am sure that is one thing you would want for me-to be in love with Christ, before I fall so madly in love with you, am I right?! :) <3

All my love,
Traci Elizabeth <3 <3 <3

Here is the song for you:

A Child Called It

 This is one very sad, but true story. It is a story that will change you and make you cry! It is so terrible what the mother did to this young child. I cried and could not put this book down. People need to wake up and help the children. We all need to be alert and watchful, watching for any signs of abuse and do something about it. What this child had to go through is like Hitler's concentration camps in my opinion. It is terrible! He was so young and it should never have happened to Him, being burned by his mother, being choked and being told that you're just an "it" that you are nothing. Being forced to eat your own vomit and being forced to through up on a daily basis. Being stabbed and the mother not caring to help the child. Being treated like a slave, or actually lower than a dog or a rat. One of the worst storied I have ever heard or read and it is still so inspiring because it makes me love children even more and makes me want to rescue and help the children who are hurting. This story made me realize how devastatingly real this stuff actually happens. Yes, I was abused, but nothing like how this little boy was. He was forced to be in the bath tub with his head under water for hours. He went 10 days with no food. This is a dreadful story, but worth reading! This who once was a little boy and who is now a man and has a family of his own is spreading his story to help stop abuse and make people aware of what's going on in our America and around the world! All abuse HAS and NEEDS to STOP!!!! I encourage you to read this book and really think about how you can help.

Who or What Do We Worship?

Things in this world do not matter. Everything that we all get will be gone one day, eventually our lives will face judgement. Everything will be accounted for. What do you think we should do and live for, since everything is passing away? Well the answer is Christ and His Heavenly Kingdom. He has plans for our lives and He has given us a choice to follow His heart and plans. He will not force us to do things. He is a gentleman and He has not made us His robots. Everything we do in this world is our choice. We have to admit that we do mess up and sin, but by God's grace and love for His children, He gives us new life and a new hope, only if we believe and put out trust in Him. Everything that I have is not mine, I would be willing and able to give all I have away. Whatever God wants to do in my life, I say "yes" to. I will not put things ahead of God in my life. God is God of my life, not things. You or I can always know if things of this world have become a god in our lives by several signs. Some signs that should tell you if you have made something other than God a god in you life is by: 1. What are you thinking about? If your thoughts are focused on a thing you like or want to get or something you have and that is where almost all of your thoughts go, then there is a big sign that you are making the wrong choices and that thing or even person in your life could take the place that your Heavenly Father is supposed to have in your life. 2. What do you spend your time doing? If you spend and focus your world around 1 thing or maybe even two things in your life, then maybe those things have taken God's place. We are to worship Him in spirit and in truth, not along side other things. Something that people tend to put ahead of God is not only things but people. 3. So, are you thinking about someone all of the time? Do they consume your thoughts? If the answer to one or both or all of these questions is yes, then you probably have made something a gods in your life. If Christ is not the center of our world and how we make our decisions and how we use the things God has given us i.e. money, then it's about time that we confess to God that we have sinned and need and want God to tear down the gods in our lives. Many people in other countries worship false idols or images, and that is a god as well. We need God's help and guidance and mercy to tear down god's in our lives. He can and will do it. We just need to turn our focus to God and pray instead of thinking about that thing or person all of the time. After you pray, then get prayer, then decide to use your money, if it's money for God's kingdom and find the joy in giving and helping those in need. God loves us and He wants to be the love of our lives! There is so much joy and fulfillment when we worship and love God, the only one true God! He's amazing! :) Tear down idols and god's and let's worship the TRUE, ONE AND ONLY GOD TOGETHER, IN SPIRIT AND IN TRUTH!! :)

Homework...

Since school has started I have been doing LOTS of homework and I am working 2 jobs. I have been pretty busy; if you don't hear from me over a period of time, just so you know that is why! When taking five classes, I really  have to focus, although I am working ahead on as much work as I can. I like to get things done, instead of just waiting around and rushing at the last minute. Procrastination is not my thing and if I did procrastinate at times, it's because there was something going on that caused me to not get things done. Anyways, my homework is crazy! For one of my assignments I have to create lesson plans for different subjects for preschoolers and/or kindergarteners. I have to turn in 1 creative lesson plan and 4 Language Arts Lesson Plans. I worked really hard last night and got about 4 lesson plans done: 1 science lesson plan (There is many other subject lesson plans later that are due and I just got the science one done already) and 2 1/2 Language Arts Lesson Plans done. Another assignment I have to do is write a children's book with illustrations in it. I am excited about this and nervous because I'm not quite sure what I'm going to write about yet. I really want to get this one started asap because it is one of those things that takes awhile to do, but I am looking forward to it. Another assignment I have to do is write a paper on visual disability. It doesn't have any requirements really, except that it has to have sources and they have to be cited in our paper. The next thing I have to do for homework is make a portfolio of children's drawings and evaluate them and put them in a binder with some other things in it. This will take time!!! I might try to do this assignment on Sunday if I can. I also have to get writing samples of children's drawings of different ages and do pretty much the same thing, just not with a portfolio. I also have to do an online class, but I am already really ahead on that, I just need to do one more thing that is due in March. Lastly, my goal for the rest of this weekend is to study for a Psychology test that I have to take next Wednesday, which I also hope to do on Sunday because my other days are already really full!

That is my homework and I know I have already worked ahead a lot, but I really think it's important to get things done and move on. I like to get homework done so that I can enjoy other things in this life! :)


What kinds of things do you have planned and are working on this week?

Was it Right or Wrong?

Last night before I came home I did something that I will NEVER, EVER forget. I was at a Walgreens close to where I live. I had just driven up and parked the van when a random woman stranger ran up to me and begged for money. It wasn't just $5, but $60. I really felt in my heart that this woman was serious and really needed the money. I was also thinking "I can bless someone that I don't even know and when I give to her, I know it's giving to God." So she said I could take whatever she had just for this money. She said she needed it for gas to get to a city (disclosed information) that was pretty far away. She said her little sister was in the car and anyways, she gave me this LONG story of why she needed the money and what was happening. Well I decided to give it to her. I never really carry around that much cash, but I went to an ATM and retrieved the money, but by this time I had already told her that my father was an attorney and that my name was Traci. I told her that my father was an attorney, so in case she had a really bad trick up her sleeve, she wouldn't pull anything stupid on me. Also, it is the truth, my father really is an attorney. Well anyways, when I gave her the money she asked for $20 more and I gave it to her for food. Now it was $80!!!

Since the moment I dropped her off I have felt terrible about the decisions I had made all through out this experience. In the moments and times that I am sincerely trying to be nice and giving, it turns into something foolish. I know now that I was wrong and that I should have thought it through. I should have remembered that it was also a Friday night. Now I feel like I have supported whatever she may be doing right now if not really using it for gas. I feel like it could very well have been for drugs or cigarettes. I'm not sure, but I have been praying a lot and I can't go to sleep very well because of it.

I know that I was foolish in what I had done and now there is nothing I can do to get the money back. This was really the first time I had done this before and she caught me off guard as well. I wasn't really thinking about anything besides going into Walgreens to get something and I had not even opened the door yet and there this woman was standing, me being nervous and didn't really want to say no to her because I was thinking that she really needed it! I don't know if she did or did not, but I do know that those memories will be with me next time and next time I definitely won't give money at all and if I do it will be like $1 or something, especially on a Friday night when those are normally the nights that everyone drinks and parties! I just feel terrible!

When I told my mother about it, she felt bad that I had given that much money and she had also told me that it was a learning experience and what I should do next time something like that happens. Sometimes there are legit people who are really in need and some times it is REALLY hard to tell. All I know to do now is pray for her to be saved and convicted if she has done something other than get gas and feed herself food. I have to trust God and I know I will not see this woman again probably my whole life. I will never forget this moment.

Even in my own heart of giving and thinking "if I give to this woman in need, I am giving to God," it was still VERY foolish to give that much. I am telling you this story so that maybe it will help you when something like this happens in your own life. I have done many things without thinking everything through and normally when I do it, I feel terrible afterwards. I know though that God can save her and melt her heart and make it his. God can help me learn from this experience so that I won't make the same mistake again.

Will you pray for the homeless and those in need? Will you give all you have for Christ? Sometimes situations can be hard to determine if they were right or wrong and this is one of those cases. It was right that I was willing and had the heart to give everything to this woman who I think was in need, but it was wrong and foolish to give like I gave to someone I don't know on a Friday night when I never know what she will do or has done with that money.

I am now asking for wisdom and understanding for situations like these and for all situations. That I would do as Christ would have done with wisdom, knowledge and understanding.

One Hundred Years From Now...

One Hundred Years From Now

"It will not matter what my bank account was,

the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove,

but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child."

This poem hangs up in the office at my work place and it's SO true and inspiring that I just had to share it! How do you make a difference in the lives of the children around you?

My Life Right Now-BUSY!!!!

So I am excited and nervous about my schedule this semester of school and life. This is what my daily schedule looks like:

Monday- 
devotions
School: 
Child Psych 8:00-9:15

Lit for Children 12:00-1:15
work in preschool at College 1:20-2:50
Characters and Methods of Exceptional Children 3:00-4:15

pick up Johnny from Mon. Soccer after school,
take John to Gymnastics
go to small group
go home have my devotions and SLEEP! :)

Tuesday-

devotions
School:
Curriculum Development 9:00-10:50
Lab 12:00-2:50

Work at Gymnastics after school
babysit for Mom's small group at church
go home have my devotions and SLEEP!

Wednesday-

devotions
School:

Child Psych 8:00-9:15
Lit for Children 12:00-1:15
work in preschool at College 1:20-2:50 
Characters and Methods of Exceptional Children 3:00-4:15

Work at Gymnastics after school
go home have my devotions and SLEEP!

Thursday-

devotions
Catch up on homework and do online class-Language and Literacy Development every day.
Work at Gymnastics
Nanny for April
go home have my devotions and SLEEP!!

Friday-

devotions
DO ALL HOMEWORK FOR THE WEEK
Nanny for April
go home have my devotions and SLEEP!

Saturday-

devotions
Work at Gymnastics for as long as I can! ;)
go home and finish any unfinished homework and then have my devotions and SLEEP!!

Sunday-

spend time with God all day! :)
Church
relax (sometimes have friends over if I can and have time too)
every other week volunteer at the church children's program! :)

What is your schedule like?

Epecting the Unexpected

I have been so, so, so blessed in my life. As I went to sleep last night I really began to pour out my heart of thanks to God. Every single thing (from small to big things) I have received, I know I did not deserve. I have an amazingly beautiful, wonderful, loving mother and a good father; I have lots of brothers who would fight for me if anything were to happen to me and I have a sister who pursues her dreams and does not give up, even when things don't look the way that she would like them to at the time for going into the film industry can be very competitive and stressful at times, but she is determined and has passion to keep going! I also am so blessed with all of the friends that God has placed in my life, every single one of them are wonderful in their own special way. God sends me people in my life to help me grow closer to Him. Every single gift I have is from Him, the list could go on and on and on and on! My life is just a miracle. I never expected any of the gifts I have to be given to me. I have SO many things to be thankful for and when I did not expect them, it made it all the more wonderful and beautiful. I encourage you to just let go of your life and your plans and give them to God without a worry in the world, He knows what is better for you than you do! :)

Expecting the Unexpected and praying for God's will and loving Him with all of me is all that I do.


Every good and perfect gift is from God! :)

When life gets tough-thank God in it. Thank God in all of the seasons of our lives for every season of life is just one way to love God more! When things seem hard-seek God and pray for His will to be done and not your own. Pray for guidance and direction and wisdom in every situation. God has it all under control-DON'T WORRY! :)

Pedicure with Jessica!

Today after church I went with my boss and my friend-Jessica for a surprise birthday present that she wanted to give me for my birthday (that was on the 12th). She gave me a pedicure and it was so relaxing and so nice to have some special girl time with a wonderful, uplifting woman of God and so precious! I had never had a pedicure and never really had a special girl-to-girl time with her before like I did today. She is one amazing person, not just because she took me to have a pedicure, but because she sincerely cares and really loves those around her. She has been through a lot and is so passionate and such a hard worker. She gives of herself a lot and hardly complains. She is very driven and very pretty. She is just all together pretty awesome! I feel like we really bonded today and I hope we can become closer. I know God gives me amazing friends because of all of the one's that He has put in my life in every season. We had a good time and I hope to treat her to something special next time! :)

Here is a picture of my pedicured feet, lol. They feel AMAZING now-so soft and wonderful! Thanks Jessica! :)

First Kiss

I believe the first kiss is a very special moment. It is something that one shares with the person that God has made for them to be with from the moment they get married, until death. It is something beautiful and something God created for His purpose and His glory, as well as the wedding night and all that is held in it. As a girl, I can tell you that it is so special to be able to watch weddings where the couple has never been kissed before and this is their first kiss ever. It is truly amazing! I have never been kissed or even had a boyfriend before because I am waiting for the one God has for me. I know that when he comes into my life I will be ready, until then I am learning and preparing to be a good wife and mother. I know that when I do get married I will be able to tell my future husband that I have saved all that I am for him, that I have waited patiently and have not given up. Even in my weak moments of thoughts, I have kept pure-God has helped me to be faithful to the man He has for me!

When someone gets married, it is a commitment, it is something that should last your whole lifetime! Every good and perfect gift is from above and marriage is apart of that gift. Marriage should not be solely based upon looks-outward beauty fades, but inward beauty should be nourished and kept growing.  Every person has a gift and that gift is given to all and is only to be given to one person-the man or woman they marry! God forgives and He heals, but He also hates disobedience and sin. God restores and makes all things new, but He also has laws that must be kept. Apart from Him, we can do nothing.

I encourage you to wait and pray for your future spouse. Some days in our lives it feels as if the day will never arrive and that there is no hope, but there is and it is Christ who guides us and leads us along the way. If we follow Him, He will lead us to the right person at the perfect time! So here I am waiting and growing-not giving up and staying faithful until the end. Will you wait and pray for your future as well? Don't just look to the here and now, but see the future and all of the wonderful plans God has for you! For the Maker is our Husband-God! :) Wait on Him! Save your kiss and all that you are for the person you marry in Heaven-God and on earth-your future spouse! It's the second best decision you will ever make! :)

Fasting-The Truth

Recently I have been reminded to fast. I haven't done very well doing it and it is apart of the Christian walk with God. The purpose of fasting is to die to our fleshly desires and wants and let the Holy Spirit lead us. As humans we let our flesh be in control of what we say and do and react, we let our flesh control every decision we make. The purpose of fasting is to make our flesh line up with the Holy Spirit. Actually fasting is VERY healthy if done properly.

People often think that fasting is just not eating, but there is so much more to it. For one, no one HAS to fast from JUST food, it can be anything that is holding you down from growing in Christ, for example; television, games, books, cell phones, computers, facebook, anything that draws your attention away from God or anything that you feel you are spending most of your time on that is not directed and turned towards God and His kingdom.

"And when you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you."

Sometimes people try to get attention when they are fasting. I remember a time when I tried fasting from one meal when I was younger, about 12 or so and I would go around telling everyone how great I thought I had done in fasting for just one meal, I was excited because I felt like it was a grown-up thing to do and I wanted all of the grown-ups to know that I was growing up now that I had fasted. After I had been telling everyone I saw, I don't remember who it was, but someone told me, "I'm SO HAPPY that you have been fasting Traci, but I need to tell you something. When you fast, it's not good to tell every one because it's supposed to be for God and to help you grow closer to Him, not so every one can see how good you have done. You have done a good job, but God helps you fast for Him! (paraphrased)" It was at that moment that I started understanding the purpose of fasting. It really has helped me in realizing that fasting when it is hard and you really want to give in to the temptation of whatever you are fasting from, but it is in that moment of temptation that the breakthrough is JUST around the corner, DON'T GIVE IN! If you do give in, don't just give up all together, but keep pressing on towards the goal and ask God to give you the strength to go on.

One book that I have bought and read is called "Fasting." It's a REALLY good book and I believe that if you would read it, you would understand SO much more about fasting and the healthy aspects and the good and bad to it and the different kinds of fasts there are. Here is the book:

I encourage each one of you to get this book and tell me how it has helped you! Thanks and I hope that you grow more closer and more in love with Jesus EVERY DAY of your life! :)

Truly His,

Traci

Totally True Girls, Don't Be Deceived!

Girls, this is what the world tries their best to make us believe, but it's NOT true! You are beautiful, JUST the way you are and NO one is like you! :) Be inspired by this truth! :)

WATCH THIS!

There could NEVER BE A MORE BEAUTIFUL YOU!

Top 60 Ghetto Black Names-FUNNY! lol

This is funny and it gave me a good laugh! Thought I would share it with you too!

Learning

                              Let's climb the mountain with our Heavenly Father, not on our own!

Learning is apart of growing up. We all grow and we all experience things in this life that we can either use to help us grow or to hinder our growth. Growth is good in a person's life. In the trials and hard times in our lives we have to remember that this hurt will help us be a better us and we have a choice to either acknowledge our problems and accept correction and growth, or we will continually keep going around that same mountain over and over and over and over again until we finally "get it." It's better to learn and change our lives now while we have the chance and get over the battle than just wallowing in the mud pies that life throws at us sometimes. Every trial is really a gift! Each trial builds character and strength and the character that we need to grow in us. Each moment is a gift and if we would remember to not rely on our own strength, but on the Lord's strength we will conquer and we will feel so much better about our learning experience. I know that I still struggle with this daily, but over the years I have improved tremendously and it is something that I am continually learning-to wait and rest in Him! If we try to live this life on our own, we will fail miserably, but if we trust Him and ask Him for His help and guidance and direction for our lives, we will conquer and the enemy will not win this battle over our lives! Remember Christ already paid the ultimate price for our forgiveness of the sins WE committed! He gave HIS ALL for us! The least we can do is give Him our lives-trusting Him, even in the small trials in life. He will trust us with much if we can be trusted with little. We can show we are worthy of God's trust by living for Him and giving HIM EVERYTHING in us! That's really all Christ wants-our hearts! Learn and Grow everyday-every trial is a gift! :) 

Christmas in the Smokey's!!!

For this Christmas our family is in the Smokey Mountains in a Wyndham resort with an indoor water park. We went up the mountains yesterday on Christmas Eve and we went through town and saw some pretty cool things. Here are some pictures of what we have done and what we have seen! It's really gorgeous here! I really enjoy being in the mountains of Tennessee!

This is the water park that is part of our resort that we are staying in. It is an indoor water park with part of the slides (pictured above) that go outside and inside! :) It is fun to go in!