Yesterday was such a wonderful day! God did some amazing things in my life!
He spoke to me-it was so real and such a beautiful experience the whole day!
It is a day I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever forget. Let me try to tell you how
the day went.
It all started early in the morning on May 11, 2011. I was tossing and turning in
bed at 6:00 a.m. I just couldn't go to sleep, so at 6:30 a.m. I decided to get up
and go outside and enjoy the moment. It was so beautiful outside, the birds were
chirping, the sun was rising behind the trees. Everything was so beautiful and
peaceful. I started thinking about that verse in the Bible that says how God takes
care of the birds of the air-he feeds them and loves them. Then I thought "Why
can't I trust Him to take care of me? I have no excuse, because He can and
does!" God started speaking to me things like, "Traci, why don't you trust Me?"
I then said, "I do trust You." I thought about it and said, "No, actually I don't
trust You-You know more than I do. You are right! But I want to Jesus! I want
to trust You!!!" He said, "I know you want to...Traci, I have taken you out of
many terrible situations in your life and I have kept my promises. You are my
daughter-My Princess! I will take care of my children. I do take care of them.
Why do you worry about so many things (especially in the area of marriage)?"
I had no response except: "I am so sorry God, I feel terrible. Please help me to
trust You in this area!" Then He brought to my remembrance when I got prayed
for at church, when the lady prayed and said, "You are holding onto something like
you're gripping it in your hand. I feel like God is saying 'Let Go and trust Me."
He also brought to my remembrance my signature on my phone when I send texts
how it says, "set apart." He spoke to me and said, "Being set-apart is trusting and
walking in obedience to what God calls me to do, because it's not normal to the
rest of the world." He said, "If you want to be truly Set-Apart, you have to trust
me with EVERYTHING and with your FUTURE..." He also reminded me of
Jeremiah 29:11 which says, "For I know the plans I have for you declares the
Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and
a hope."
I started crying and saying "Help me trust You Jesus with everything, especially
in the area of marriage. Help me to let go. I give it completely over to You.
I surrender it all to You. You are my King and my Father. I trust You and if I
never marry, I know that that is what is best and I will praise you in the good
and bad times. I will be happy with You and with my life if I never marry. I
give it all to You God! Take total control. I trust You!"
After spending 20 min. outside on our porch, I decided to come in and see if
my Mom needed help and to see what was going on that day. Come to find
out, she was on the internet in her room, looking at facebook. She said, "Traci,
you want to read what David said?" I said, "sure!" This is what he said that I
read:
"pities those who spend SO much of their single life wishing, dreaming, and
infatuating about marriage or the opposite sex. Marriage is amazing, don't
get me wrong but... God has a plan for single life. If Christ is not the love
of our life when we're single, what makes us think that getting married
is going to give us something better that Christ can't?"
This hit me so hard! I had to read it two or three times. This was complete
confirmation of what God had just spoken to me about. I had to go to my room
and I just started crying....David is completely right! I felt so convicted now
(and still am) then I have in a LONG time!
So I was very thoughtful the whole day...Later on that day I was at school waiting
in a lobby reading my Bible, praying and worshiping to Jesus in my heart. As
I was flipping through the Bible, every verse I came to had something to do with
trust. For example, one of them was Psalm 71:5 which reads, "For You, O Lord,
are my hope, my trust, O Lord, from my youth." Just everything had to do with
what I had prayed about earlier that morning. I even heard the songs "Walk On the
Water" by Britt Nicole and "While I'm Waiting "by John Waller that day!
Then, to make it all a more wonderful day and experience I went to Chi Alpha and
David's Dad was there teaching on self-control and the power of our thoughts and
our tongue. He talked about how death and life are in the tongue and how the
things we speak have a HUGE impact on others and ourselves. For so long I had
been saying, "I'm never going to get married...I am ugly...no one godly and
wonderful will ever want to marry me." This brought me to believe these things in
my heart, which is death and not life to my heart and soul. I was very quiet and
thoughtful during Chi Alpha. So much had happened this whole day!
God has done something amazing in my life. I have surrendered and will continue
to surrender this to Him daily, but I feel more confident that it is finally released
and I don't have to carry a burden of this any longer-doubting, not trusting and
fear. This is gone! I completely trust Jesus. He know's what's best for my life.
EVERYTHING will work out in God's timing, no matter what the outcome may
be! I am living for Him! This is my surrender!
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