Last night before I came home I did something that I will NEVER, EVER forget. I was at a Walgreens close to where I live. I had just driven up and parked the van when a random woman stranger ran up to me and begged for money. It wasn't just $5, but $60. I really felt in my heart that this woman was serious and really needed the money. I was also thinking "I can bless someone that I don't even know and when I give to her, I know it's giving to God." So she said I could take whatever she had just for this money. She said she needed it for gas to get to a city (disclosed information) that was pretty far away. She said her little sister was in the car and anyways, she gave me this LONG story of why she needed the money and what was happening. Well I decided to give it to her. I never really carry around that much cash, but I went to an ATM and retrieved the money, but by this time I had already told her that my father was an attorney and that my name was Traci. I told her that my father was an attorney, so in case she had a really bad trick up her sleeve, she wouldn't pull anything stupid on me. Also, it is the truth, my father really is an attorney. Well anyways, when I gave her the money she asked for $20 more and I gave it to her for food. Now it was $80!!!
Since the moment I dropped her off I have felt terrible about the decisions I had made all through out this experience. In the moments and times that I am sincerely trying to be nice and giving, it turns into something foolish. I know now that I was wrong and that I should have thought it through. I should have remembered that it was also a Friday night. Now I feel like I have supported whatever she may be doing right now if not really using it for gas. I feel like it could very well have been for drugs or cigarettes. I'm not sure, but I have been praying a lot and I can't go to sleep very well because of it.
I know that I was foolish in what I had done and now there is nothing I can do to get the money back. This was really the first time I had done this before and she caught me off guard as well. I wasn't really thinking about anything besides going into Walgreens to get something and I had not even opened the door yet and there this woman was standing, me being nervous and didn't really want to say no to her because I was thinking that she really needed it! I don't know if she did or did not, but I do know that those memories will be with me next time and next time I definitely won't give money at all and if I do it will be like $1 or something, especially on a Friday night when those are normally the nights that everyone drinks and parties! I just feel terrible!
When I told my mother about it, she felt bad that I had given that much money and she had also told me that it was a learning experience and what I should do next time something like that happens. Sometimes there are legit people who are really in need and some times it is REALLY hard to tell. All I know to do now is pray for her to be saved and convicted if she has done something other than get gas and feed herself food. I have to trust God and I know I will not see this woman again probably my whole life. I will never forget this moment.
Even in my own heart of giving and thinking "if I give to this woman in need, I am giving to God," it was still VERY foolish to give that much. I am telling you this story so that maybe it will help you when something like this happens in your own life. I have done many things without thinking everything through and normally when I do it, I feel terrible afterwards. I know though that God can save her and melt her heart and make it his. God can help me learn from this experience so that I won't make the same mistake again.
Will you pray for the homeless and those in need? Will you give all you have for Christ? Sometimes situations can be hard to determine if they were right or wrong and this is one of those cases. It was right that I was willing and had the heart to give everything to this woman who I think was in need, but it was wrong and foolish to give like I gave to someone I don't know on a Friday night when I never know what she will do or has done with that money.
I am now asking for wisdom and understanding for situations like these and for all situations. That I would do as Christ would have done with wisdom, knowledge and understanding.
